Gab is now at 17th months. I really hate it when he ignores me when I tell him not to do something. Like staying in the kitchen while me or the nanny is frying our food. Or he will scatter all his legos and puzzles on the floor.
No matter what, i try not to loose my temper on small things like this, I think my baby is so inspired to test my temper. I am trying so hard to save to save my lectures on big no nos like bitting a playmate or pulling off our Muning and Sam's tail ( that's my cat and dog.)
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Reasons why your toddler pushes you away
Personally I also wonder why there are times my one year old does not want to hug me or kiss me, instead i will be pushed back whenever I attemt to hug him or kiss him or even get near him. Until I read this article that I will be sharing to you. I am already aware of the things mentioned in this article but it made more sense when its put altogether in writing.
Babycenterdotcom, suggests the following reason why your child pushes you back.
He's had a bad day.
Just like grown-ups, kids have days when all they want to do is crawl under a rock and stay there. While the issues may be less complex than those adults face, disappointment and frustration can bring out the loner in a toddler. Maybe he didn't get a turn on the swing at the park or he got reprimanded at daycare. Either way, he doesn't want your hugs or cuddles to make him feel better.
How to respond: Respect his desire for distance but let him know that you're there if he wants your help. He may just have to lick his wounds on his own and will seek you out after he's done pouting.
He's recovering from a tantrum.
If he pushes you away right after you've disciplined him with a time-out or by taking away something he wanted, it's common sense: His feelings have been hurt and he wants you to know it. Or maybe he's just tired — screaming and collapsing on the floor in misery can take a lot out of a person.
How to respond: First, accept that he's entitled to feel disappointed. Think about how you feel after a fight with your spouse or best friend — you probably need some time before you're ready to make up. Your toddler is no different.
Before you give your toddler space, show him that you understand his feelings: "You don't want to talk to Mama because you're mad that she didn't let you run in the parking lot, right?" Let him know that you'll be there for him when he feels like a hug. Assure him that no matter what, you still love him — even if he broke the rules.
He's upset with you and doesn't know how to say it.
Toddlers' emotional lives are complex — they can express their feelings but can't yet explain them. Maybe you've been away on a business trip and he missed you but is angry that you were gone. Or perhaps he's upset that you've spent most of the day with your new baby. Whatever the situation may be, his feelings overwhelm him but he doesn't know how to let you know what's going on.
How to respond: If you suspect that there's an underlying reason for your child's rejection, talk to him. Ask him questions in a gentle manner — "Are you feeling like I don't spend enough time with you?" — and accept his responses without judgment.
It may hurt to hear that he's angry or upset with you (he may say, "Mean mommy," for instance), but remember that his feelings aren't permanent. By talking to you, he's trying to make sense of them.
He may be going through an "independent" phase.
At age 1 your child may have seemed glued to your lap. As he gets older he may refuse to even let you near his block tower. This could be because he needs you less, because he's testing you to see if you'll be steadfast in your love if he tries pushing you away, or simply because he's going through a busy stage where his focus is elsewhere (and you're just interrupting his learning time with your requests for kisses).
How to respond: Try not to take his rebuffs too seriously. He still loves you but may not need your hugs and kisses as much right now. If it seems like you're bothering him when he's hard at work, save your hugs and kisses for bedtime or when he's not so occupied. As long as he's sure you adore him, he'll know where to find you when he's in a cuddly mood.
He's in a Daddy-favoring (or Mommy-favoring) phase.
He's acting up with you and is just peachy keen with his papa — or vice versa.
How to respond: It's normal for kids to go through phases of clinginess or rejection with each parent, especially if one of you is working outside the home full-time. But if you think your child's change in attitude means something more significant, look at your and your partner's behavior. Do either of you somehow encourage this favoritism?
It could be that without realizing it, you're acting annoyed every time your husband comes home or you're suddenly lavishing your son with affection. Does your husband expect your child to run to him with open arms, when it's really more your toddler's style to warm up slowly?
He may not be the touchy-feely type.
Even if you're very affectionate, your child is his own person and may not have inherited this trait.
How to respond: If your toddler seems distant, you may have to simply accept him for who he is. Instead of acting hurt, let your child lead the way when it comes to affection. Chances are that even if he has a more self-reliant temperament, he'll still need a hug or a kiss once in a while — when he's upset or scared, for instance.
Try to read his reactions, and if you think he's open to it, offer him your affection. He'll take you up on it when he's ready.
He isn't feeling well.
Your normally cuddly toddler is suddenly impatient and testy, pushing you away when you expect him to embrace you.
How to respond: If it's a really striking shift, consider a check-up at the pediatrician's office. It could be a physical issue, such as a newly developed allergy or some other illness.
He's experiencing real anger or distress — and acting out inappropriately.
Some toddlers can occasionally cross the line, and their rejection becomes physically violent (pushing, hitting, or biting, for example).
How to respond: Even if it isn't especially painful, it's important to take a very definite stand against any sort of violent outburst. For a toddler, this means setting a clear and simple consequence: "No. Mommy doesn't like that. If you do that, I'll have to put you down / take you home / take it away." Then make sure to follow through.
Babycenterdotcom, suggests the following reason why your child pushes you back.
He's had a bad day.
Just like grown-ups, kids have days when all they want to do is crawl under a rock and stay there. While the issues may be less complex than those adults face, disappointment and frustration can bring out the loner in a toddler. Maybe he didn't get a turn on the swing at the park or he got reprimanded at daycare. Either way, he doesn't want your hugs or cuddles to make him feel better.
How to respond: Respect his desire for distance but let him know that you're there if he wants your help. He may just have to lick his wounds on his own and will seek you out after he's done pouting.
He's recovering from a tantrum.
If he pushes you away right after you've disciplined him with a time-out or by taking away something he wanted, it's common sense: His feelings have been hurt and he wants you to know it. Or maybe he's just tired — screaming and collapsing on the floor in misery can take a lot out of a person.
How to respond: First, accept that he's entitled to feel disappointed. Think about how you feel after a fight with your spouse or best friend — you probably need some time before you're ready to make up. Your toddler is no different.
Before you give your toddler space, show him that you understand his feelings: "You don't want to talk to Mama because you're mad that she didn't let you run in the parking lot, right?" Let him know that you'll be there for him when he feels like a hug. Assure him that no matter what, you still love him — even if he broke the rules.
He's upset with you and doesn't know how to say it.
Toddlers' emotional lives are complex — they can express their feelings but can't yet explain them. Maybe you've been away on a business trip and he missed you but is angry that you were gone. Or perhaps he's upset that you've spent most of the day with your new baby. Whatever the situation may be, his feelings overwhelm him but he doesn't know how to let you know what's going on.
How to respond: If you suspect that there's an underlying reason for your child's rejection, talk to him. Ask him questions in a gentle manner — "Are you feeling like I don't spend enough time with you?" — and accept his responses without judgment.
It may hurt to hear that he's angry or upset with you (he may say, "Mean mommy," for instance), but remember that his feelings aren't permanent. By talking to you, he's trying to make sense of them.
He may be going through an "independent" phase.
At age 1 your child may have seemed glued to your lap. As he gets older he may refuse to even let you near his block tower. This could be because he needs you less, because he's testing you to see if you'll be steadfast in your love if he tries pushing you away, or simply because he's going through a busy stage where his focus is elsewhere (and you're just interrupting his learning time with your requests for kisses).
How to respond: Try not to take his rebuffs too seriously. He still loves you but may not need your hugs and kisses as much right now. If it seems like you're bothering him when he's hard at work, save your hugs and kisses for bedtime or when he's not so occupied. As long as he's sure you adore him, he'll know where to find you when he's in a cuddly mood.
He's in a Daddy-favoring (or Mommy-favoring) phase.
He's acting up with you and is just peachy keen with his papa — or vice versa.
How to respond: It's normal for kids to go through phases of clinginess or rejection with each parent, especially if one of you is working outside the home full-time. But if you think your child's change in attitude means something more significant, look at your and your partner's behavior. Do either of you somehow encourage this favoritism?
It could be that without realizing it, you're acting annoyed every time your husband comes home or you're suddenly lavishing your son with affection. Does your husband expect your child to run to him with open arms, when it's really more your toddler's style to warm up slowly?
He may not be the touchy-feely type.
Even if you're very affectionate, your child is his own person and may not have inherited this trait.
How to respond: If your toddler seems distant, you may have to simply accept him for who he is. Instead of acting hurt, let your child lead the way when it comes to affection. Chances are that even if he has a more self-reliant temperament, he'll still need a hug or a kiss once in a while — when he's upset or scared, for instance.
Try to read his reactions, and if you think he's open to it, offer him your affection. He'll take you up on it when he's ready.
He isn't feeling well.
Your normally cuddly toddler is suddenly impatient and testy, pushing you away when you expect him to embrace you.
How to respond: If it's a really striking shift, consider a check-up at the pediatrician's office. It could be a physical issue, such as a newly developed allergy or some other illness.
He's experiencing real anger or distress — and acting out inappropriately.
Some toddlers can occasionally cross the line, and their rejection becomes physically violent (pushing, hitting, or biting, for example).
How to respond: Even if it isn't especially painful, it's important to take a very definite stand against any sort of violent outburst. For a toddler, this means setting a clear and simple consequence: "No. Mommy doesn't like that. If you do that, I'll have to put you down / take you home / take it away." Then make sure to follow through.
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